Serving Kant (Malta 2025)

Now, we have Malta, and the 3rd of 3 participants who fully understood the brief of the 69th Eurovision Song Contest. It's Miriana Conte, Serving (Kant)!

Source

Lyrics: 62%
Composition: 60%
Vocals: 78%
Staging: 70%
Vibes: 65%
Overall: 67.4%

Verdict: This song served Kant. Unfortunately, I'm asexual.

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LYRICS - Total: 15.5/25 (62%)
Subject Matter: 5/10
Effective Use of Language: 3/5
Clarity: 4/5
Flow: 3.5/5

Another empowerment song, this one about the value of standing out, being yourself, and serving Kant, but this one feels a little more "having fun" generic and a little less purposeful. I don't know, perhaps I'm comparing it a little too much to Luxembourg, but this just feels a lot more aimless.

Lyrically, there's nothing particularly outstanding here. I do think the intention of the wordplay is pretty funny and the "do-re-mi-fa-s-s-serving" line works, but at the same time it feels like a song of two disjointed parts - the empowerment bit, and the gimmicky do-re-mi-fa-so bit. It feels like the only way to reconcile this is if you take the song as being literally about singing your heart out at a Karaoke session without giving a shit about how you sound. Is that it? Is that the big secret that Miriana is referencing? 

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COMPOSITION - Total: 12/20 (60%)
Melody/Bass: 3/5
Instrumentation: 3/5
Development: 3/5
Coherence: 3/5

It's alright, I guess. The composition itself doesn't really excite me. It kind of just is, and that's all I really have to say about it. It's kind of a similar story for the instrumentation here. There's a clear separation between the verses and chorus that works, but that's about it. I'm just not very excited by it. And that weird gong in between the second and third choruses was strange and jarring.

On the whole it just didn't feel like this song was in a hurry to get anywhere or even had a destination in mind. It was just... there and doing its own thing, is the best way I can describe it.

Also, there's a bunch of what sounds like adlibbed screaming, and it just sounds weird and out of place.

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VOCALS - Total: 19.5/25 (78%)
Vocals: 15/20
Immersion: 4.5/5

Slightly pitchy, but not bad. It did sound a liiiiittle bit like she wasn't quite on tune with the vocal jumps ("Pull up", "shut up", "get up", etc), but there's no denying she was singing her heart out. I'm not entirely sure Miriana was serving Kant, but she was definitely serving c*nt.

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STAGING - Total: 17.5/25 (70%)
The Show: 7/10
The Story: 7/10
Outfits: 3.5/5

The allusions to the sexual undertones of the song are all there without being Olly Alexander levels of in your face - the two lips, the open legs and the pu- I mean cats. It... kinda works, I guess? It did also seem kind of chaotic, though. The LED display in the beginning was so full of images, I had no idea what to look at. So many cats. So many balls. So many flowers.

The outfit game here is okay, I guess. I mean, yeah, I get the idea, she's sharing a secret about being herself, so she naturally has to take off her outer layers, but neither outfit really excited me (and that's not in the sexual sense; get your mind out of the gutter.) The second outfit was okay, it definitely feels more her than that dress in the beginning, but I can't quite tell what she's supposed to look like first. A bumblebee? A flower, all dressed up to be more socially acceptable, maybe?

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VIBES - 65%

Eh. I can appreciate it, I guess, but it's not really my thing.